From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
