I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
