i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
