I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
