we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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