she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
