She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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