Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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