I accidentally had phone sex last night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
