Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
