I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
