and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
