Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
