There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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