Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
