i would punch a child for taco bell
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
