I'm jealous of your bromance
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
