So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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