I'm drive I can fine osifer
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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