buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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