she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
