I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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