Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
