i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
