guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
