Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
