I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
