that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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