i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
