Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
