Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
