i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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