I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
