why didn't you poke me back
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize