Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
