please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
