Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
