i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
