3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
only if we run a train.
done.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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