we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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