smell my finger.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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