i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize