We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
