Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
