We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
