i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
