dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
