So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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