Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
