i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
