I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
