I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
