YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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