Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize