Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
