you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
