The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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