no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
