Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
