come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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