This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
