omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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