I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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