Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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