I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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