Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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