i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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