when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
