Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
