dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
