What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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