I'm so fucking centered right now
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
