Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
