we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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