Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize