You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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