do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
