I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
