I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
