my vag is so smooth its legendary
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
