I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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