Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
