Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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