if i can run in heels then i can drive
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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