God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
