Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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