we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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