worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
