he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
