grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
