I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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