Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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