You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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