LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
