I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want to make out with him forever
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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